Nothing new

Not much going on…

We went to Georgie’s Alibi Friday night.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to go but I was so tired of being in the house. 


It was slow, almost empty at first but then it picked up. One of Ben’s friends got so drunk she was knocking drinks over and ended the night throwing up in the bathroom.


One of the dancers had on awesome boots. They were like biker boots but had a clear sole with gears in them.  I know I go to a bar and check out the strippers shoes.


He was talking to us a lot.  i think he knew the girl that was with us (the one that threw up).  I was very guarded, so guarded in fact the dancer asked me what was wrong.  Great! I thought.  I am so messed up strippers are asking me what’s my problem. 


He did say I was in better shape than him so then I didn’t feel completely horrible.  I had like 4 drinks and didn’t get sick. Still I’d prefer not to drink.  It’s too much of a risk with my medication. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster it usually causes the next day. 


I think I need to find the spark that was me again, without going overboard. I think we are both a bit apprehensive of what changes may come to pass. I made sure but knew that I appreciated him. He was the thing I help on to when I wanted to kill myself.  Friends to the end.  i think it was important for me to say and for him to know.  If it ever ended (and it better not) I would always be there.


The next day I help out Ben’s bird club by painting show benches in like 90 degree weather.  It was OK but halfway through I was wanted to go home.  The heat was too much and Deb kept trying to control everything. Which meant non-stop slave labor.  She’s nice but too controlling and sensitive to correction. 


We had ribs and shrimp after.  People were giving me credit for the food but I only made the shrimp.  I didn’t know what to say as I was embarrassed for Deb.  She said she didn’t care, but I know she did.  Regardless it was a good time for everyone.


I also talked to my brother for about and hour.  We started out sending texts back and forth, but to me it was just easier to talk. We caught up on a bit of things.  I was glad to hear from him.  It’s been months. I thought he was mad at me but apparently not.  He’s my favorite sibling. He never doubts or judges me, he’s just cool.


Sunday we just spent together.  We watched Role Models. It was hilarious.

We just enjoyed the day and did nothing.  Today I have a meeting with a Vocational counselor.  They should be able to tell me what they can help me with today. It’s been a long and frustrating ordeal being unemployed and waiting for answers.  hopefully I should be able to get some answers today.


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