Forgot to blog again

Nothing has really happened or I’ve been depressed. Either way I forgot to blog.  We got our cars back finally.  I never thought my car could be so quiet. I shakes a bit when idling but I hope that’s just because it’s been sitting with old gas in it for a while.  It would be fucked up if I still had to pay for more repairs after spending all that money.

The bird show is coming up this Saturday, here in our backyard.  I had to get one of those portable shades because the sun is brutal in the back. 

I don’t know what to feed these people. I mean I have the general idea; burgers, spring salad, grilled chicken and the usual barbeque fare. I just want to do something more, but there are so many different opinions of what is good not to mention who is allergic to what.  To be salt and pepper are not seasoning they are just a given and a little boring.

Speaking of bird people, we were up at Dave and Deb’s last week and it was like one of those guardian things again.  I was really torn up about what paths to take now that my job is over.  I was so focused on disability that I just wasn’t thinking.  Long story short, Dave suggested I start being artistic again. Then bluntly asked what I wanted to do.  Nursing.  I think it was always nursing, I just figured it was too late. Dave assured me I wasn’t and that he’s seen older.  He also said male nurses have an easy in because they are so rare. 

Ben is still being a bit distant. I told him I was going to bed and as usual he hardly looked up at me. I was in bed for about 10 minutes before he asked what was wrong. I was very sad and didn’t know what to say. I said something, against my better judgment. I told him that he was ignoring me.  He didn’t say anything. He just turned everything off and came to bed himself. WTF.

Maybe it’s time to start getting focused and fight the extra weight these pills have helped me gain. I was getting back in shape until I started these meds then bam! 20lbs. Being sad most of the time is going to harder.  I could just stop eating all together, but to quote Chef Anne: “Brown food good!”

I am trying to keep to my schedule but my brain is just to scattered these day. I need to “stop thinking thoughts!” (Warriors of Virtue) Now that Ben is on a regular schedule I can make it a bit more concrete.  Any way I know the gods are watching cause we finally caught a break this week and I haven’t thought about death for days. I just can’t seem to focus. Maybe they are keeping me from focusing on the wrong things.



  1. Bernadette Williams said,

    April 2, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    My nephew, it’s good to see the update with something positive happening, i’m sure it’s nice to have the cars running again, i must encourage you to
    stay focus on the things you desire but also put some action into letting it
    happen, we only go through things for a reason and a season but during that time we must be strong and if you fall get up and continue to fight we all fall some time or another but we must stay strong. Know that I love you, i encourage you to follow the desires of your heart you are never too old to make a change in your life. Good luck on the bird show, you are a wonderful cook so do what you do best and it will be great. God bless you.
    as i always tell my boys The will of God never takes you where the grace of God wil not protect you.

  2. tienkou said,

    April 2, 2010 at 4:35 PM

    Wow, your the first to comment (Ben comments in person). Guess my sisters are not reading.

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