OK, this all started at therapy last Saturday. Aaron was trying to get me to understand why bad things happen to good people. An old argument at best, however an interesting one. Any way I told him my theory of God is too busy to worry about whether I pay my bills or lost my keys or why, why, why. 

God. by ~Empty-Can

Bad things that happen are meant to happen to teach us something.  The girl that gets attacked in the alley, may be dead or in horrible pain. This victim is the reason the next girl is more careful, the reason mother’s give there daughters that hug for no reason and the reason that the person who may have done such a thing, thinks twice maybe even changes their minds.  I know, that sounds cold and unfair, but life and God never seems fair do they.  What about miracles you say. Why did that kid get shot in the head and not die.  Why did that bus just miss that old lady or why did the jumper change their minds about a 20 story leap. Guardians, not angels or devils, that is too absolute. 

Michael and the Devil by *el-grimlock

Every having a bad day and a complete stranger says something that makes you feel better or answers a question.  Hear a voice or have a feeling that relates to your current situation.  These are what I call guardians beings that look over mankind.  I would go as far to call them angels as I don’t believe in pure good, evil or blind obedience. I think God’s existence is more than the acceptable morality of mankind. I feel the divine influence cannot be pigeon holed into good and bad.  Good and bad is a human concept.  Tigers that kill are not evil, they are tigers.  we don’t like it but that’s the way god made them.  People also do these thing but we have the divine gift of knowing and feeling.  We all capable of doing “good or evil” and with all the influences around us, mundane or divine I have to wonder how much of a choice we have. 


Today the mundane influence have me not wanting to exist again.  I hate what is happening to me and the people I love. I was going to cry again but Ben’s mom sent me a text asking to take her grandson to a movie i really want to see.  She had no way of knowing how upset I was (am). In fact ask I spoke to her , she was and is completely oblivious of my state of mind. I think it frightens her to here about it.  Anyway, at that moment (a brief one) she was a Guardian.  Her text was just enough to lift my spirits away from complete self loathing.  Now none of my problems are solved but I have something to look forward to. 

a rock and a hard place by ~cookiemonstah

I mean Ben has been sick for 2 weeks, my short-term disability is being delayed by my doctor.  My car note is late, I have no income, I can’t quit to get unemployment and they didn’t think I was returning so the closed my position and I am going through a foreclosure.   Lastly, I am bored to death, but at the same time have so much to do. Yet, I don’t want to start any new project until the previous situations are worked out or we move to a new place.


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