Yesterday was Megan’s birthday party.  We arrived early as the plan was for Ben and I to take Jackson to see Avatar. Well Ben was too sick; yes he is still sick, so it was just me and Jackson.


He really got into it, he even cried a little when the Marines attacks the Na’vi.  Then jumped in his seat when the animals fought back.  It was an experience that made me wish I could have kids.  He was really well behaved for a chance.  I don’t understand why kids don’t set me off when animals, grown people and the elderly drive me fucking nuts.

When Bonnie found out Ben had a fever, she gave us money to take him to the clinic inside Walgreens.  The doctor or nurse practitioner (didn’t ask) was very nice and funny.She humorously chided Ben over his smoking. I didn’t find her threatening at all.  It didn’t take long to diagnose a sinus infection and he got a script for antibiotics.


It was off to Publix where they script could be filled for free. We had to hang out for about 30 minutes.  There was nothing to do but wander.  i could not help but notice how crowded it was.  I was a bit manic but it was working to my advantage. I had to stay upbeat since Ben was feeling like crap. I didn’t need my issues overshadowing his like they usually do.


After a bit we were off to Megan’s party.  The house Ben’s sister was renting was kind of neat and deceptive.  It looked really big from the outside but was rather long and narrow inside.  The bedrooms, bathrooms and living room were average sizes but the kitchen and dinning area was very narrow. Maybe six feet across but it ran half the length of the house and had a door to the back yard. For Beth it would be great. The kids have their own yard to play in.


There were more grown up than kids. Ben and I stayed in Jackson’s. Ben needed a place to lay down and I wanted to get away from the grownups.  I play Super Smash Brothers Brawl with Jackson for a bit. All in all it wasn’t a bad day.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl – Samus VS Mario
Uploaded by Link-Garou. – Click for more console and PC gaming videos.

Oh yeah, I forgot about the Tsunami that wasn’t in Hilo Hawaii.  I’m glad nothing happened but I would have like to have seem a real tidal wave. 



OK, this all started at therapy last Saturday. Aaron was trying to get me to understand why bad things happen to good people. An old argument at best, however an interesting one. Any way I told him my theory of God is too busy to worry about whether I pay my bills or lost my keys or why, why, why. 

God. by ~Empty-Can

Bad things that happen are meant to happen to teach us something.  The girl that gets attacked in the alley, may be dead or in horrible pain. This victim is the reason the next girl is more careful, the reason mother’s give there daughters that hug for no reason and the reason that the person who may have done such a thing, thinks twice maybe even changes their minds.  I know, that sounds cold and unfair, but life and God never seems fair do they.  What about miracles you say. Why did that kid get shot in the head and not die.  Why did that bus just miss that old lady or why did the jumper change their minds about a 20 story leap. Guardians, not angels or devils, that is too absolute. 

Michael and the Devil by *el-grimlock

Every having a bad day and a complete stranger says something that makes you feel better or answers a question.  Hear a voice or have a feeling that relates to your current situation.  These are what I call guardians beings that look over mankind.  I would go as far to call them angels as I don’t believe in pure good, evil or blind obedience. I think God’s existence is more than the acceptable morality of mankind. I feel the divine influence cannot be pigeon holed into good and bad.  Good and bad is a human concept.  Tigers that kill are not evil, they are tigers.  we don’t like it but that’s the way god made them.  People also do these thing but we have the divine gift of knowing and feeling.  We all capable of doing “good or evil” and with all the influences around us, mundane or divine I have to wonder how much of a choice we have. 


Today the mundane influence have me not wanting to exist again.  I hate what is happening to me and the people I love. I was going to cry again but Ben’s mom sent me a text asking to take her grandson to a movie i really want to see.  She had no way of knowing how upset I was (am). In fact ask I spoke to her , she was and is completely oblivious of my state of mind. I think it frightens her to here about it.  Anyway, at that moment (a brief one) she was a Guardian.  Her text was just enough to lift my spirits away from complete self loathing.  Now none of my problems are solved but I have something to look forward to. 

a rock and a hard place by ~cookiemonstah

I mean Ben has been sick for 2 weeks, my short-term disability is being delayed by my doctor.  My car note is late, I have no income, I can’t quit to get unemployment and they didn’t think I was returning so the closed my position and I am going through a foreclosure.   Lastly, I am bored to death, but at the same time have so much to do. Yet, I don’t want to start any new project until the previous situations are worked out or we move to a new place.

Forgot i had a blog again LOL – On my shit list

HSBC – is on my list for foreclosing and still having their automated system calling me constantly.

CitiAuto – is on my shit list for their automated system calling me every 2 hours, emailing and texting me twice a day, and hanging up when I answer. They even called me while I was talking to one of their agents. Then telling me they can lower my rate for a few months once I am current.  If I didn’t have problems getting caught up I would be talking to you dummy.

Best Buy is on my shit list. We spoke to the Car Audio Clerk and explained what kind of stereo we wanted installed and the vehicle type.  They said they could do it in a couple of hours and may need to include a kit. So I get there a little early and walk around the store for about 30 minutes. No a single person in the store spoke to me. In fact they seemed to be going out of their way to look me in the eye and walk away. When I worked for Best Buy it was “Every customer every time”. I had to walk out of the store several times as I was getting irate. I waited by the bay for 15 minute to watch the Audio clerk walk right by me and not say a word.  how the hell are you going to be 15 minutes late and not say a word. Then when you realize I was waiting for you, not apologize.  Next he tells me the stereo he said he could make work would not fit the Infinity system.  Now granted he explained the reasons it would not work in depth, why didn’t he tell me this on the phone when I asked the same questions.

Dr Kumar’s office is now on my shit list.  They still have the medical records for Prudential sitting in pending, signed off by the doctor but still sitting there. It was all I could do not to cuss the lady out. My face was burning. She put me on hold to get a supervisor when I told her it was fucking unacceptable for it to still be there for no other reason than “they have 30 days to send it” Considering it has been more than 30 days I knew I was right and immediately filled with extreme hatred. It was about 20 minutes and a call from Ben before I could call the case worker at Prudential. She was confused and a little annoyed that they were making demands of their requests and holding information. HEPA my ass, sounds more like lazy to me.  This is why I don’t like foreign doctors, the have no understanding of how Americans like to be treated and that the rule book can be changed for the better. nothing in the US is written in stone unless your in court. 

Down in the dumps


Yesterday sucked I was so down. It felt like a great big hole has been shot through my chest.


I managed to run my errands but had to force myself to clean up house and I was in bed before Ben got home.


I exchanged words with my sister via email.  She is doing better after her her C-Section and named her son my new nephew “Justin Alexander Thompson”. We will see each other again I am sure.

Rapid Cycling


OK, yesterday I was all over the place.  I started out calm, then when I went to the Salvation Army to look for blankets for out dogs. HSBC called not even 1 minute after I walked in.  I went off on the poor lady.  I don’t remember everything I said but I do remember telling her they were already foreclosing and I am contacting an attorney and not to talk to me anymore.


If they needed to contact me to do it by mail.


As I looked around people were staring.  The “Fuck you” Look took care of that.  I just began browsing. I didn’t realize the costs until the casher said $40.00.  Oh man! I only bought a few things.


I think she may have overcharged me but I was to flustered to check.  It goes to charity any way. 

I went to the gas station and enjoyed the icy breeze.  I love the wind it reminds me of New York. i felt empowered at that moment.


I became one with the breeze and it blew harder.  I miss Wicca.


Anyway I went to Subway and the girl there was flirty. I mad sure my banded hand was showing and her interest changed.


She switched out with the other lady there even though there were no other customers. Obvious!  She was pretty for a girl. If I was a straight guy I would have went for it.  I know gross right. Any way I get home frazzled, just after being calm. 

Then Kenya threw up all over the couch.  Good thing is it was covered, bad news is it was just covered.  I just washed the damn thing.  Then the free lawyer called (Mike), he basically told me screw the mortgage company. Walked me through the response and to call back if when he got the next correspondence. I was not to speak with HSBC anymore except in writing. 

He also told me if FIS could not get me back working at a comparable salary to resign and collect unemployment. He also told me to respond to the SSI denial and wait. If they denied again, call an attorney, who should not charge me because they will include their fees in the settlement. Well great news for a formerly successful person who lost his mind working for the man.

The rest if the day was spent cleaning up and playing Assassin’s Creed 2. I really like it. Killing people has never been better. LOL.

I made the “Paula Deen Dirty Rice” Ben wanted for work.  Let me just say I will never cut up chicken livers by hand again.  I almost threw up until I thought about what would Michael Myers (for Halloween not Shrek) do.  He’d ignore the guts and enjoy the cut.  I took pictures:


Long day

I made an effort not to play games most of the day. 

I went to Wal-Mart after feeding the birds.  I kept Dallas and Kenya out with me to chase the squirrels away.  For once I did not step in dog shit.  Then I double checked my shopping list and realized the fucking cable box is driving me mad.  It keeps disrupting it’s own signal and all our saved shows are ruined.  I quickly disconnected it and put it in the car. On the way there I just did my best to stay focused and ignore the old people trying to drive. Do they not understand driving too slow is just as dangerous as driving too fast.


That driving in almost impassable packs that speed up when someone tries to pass is just as annoying as the jackass riding someone’s bumper. 

Anyway I try my best not to fall into the Wal-mart “Buy me I’m on sale!” trap.  Again people! “Get the hell out the way!”  If you don’t know what you want and people are obviously trying to get to the sugar “MOVE!” just “Fucking Move!”.  You’ll figure out that all sugar comes from the same places and it’s just a label. 

I left from there for Big Lots and Bright House.  Big Lots, OMFG!  They had 5 people there and one lady on the register. Oh yeah, better yet, 10 people in line behind me.  They just kept looking up at the crowd and pretended to be busy.  I was in line for 10 minutes and I was second in the line.  One guy was actually at a register and was telling everyone he was closed. “Dude! why the fuck are you standing there if you are closed! Idiot!  I was nice to the working cashier and said to her “I guess your the only one who knows how to work a register”. She smiled and said “I guess so.” and at the same time we looked at her coworkers behind her and said “Shit!” 

I was off next door to Bright House and there was a line. A long one, in the middle of the day.  Should these people be at work.  I know I wish I was at work.  Anyways that went smoothly.  Until I tried to leave.  Some dumbass parked their big giant POS Ford at a 45 degree angle so I could not get to my driver’s side door. 

I went in to the hair salon figuring it was the closest. No one there!  I went back into Bright House and go figure some dumb bitch with the biggest Coke bottle glasses I’d ever seen (who was next in line) did not understand the problem.  She was blind and oblivious.  she almost had an accident backing out so I could get in.  If you can’t see, don’t drive.

I did my 30 minutes on the stationary bike and dyed my hair.  Where did the day go?

Ben got a permanent position with FIS and I made a big dinner ala Cooking for Real. It took a long time but was delicious but it was so much neither of us could finish. Chicken in wine sauce, Spring salad and a little leftover garlic pasta that I doctored with fresh mozzarella. Now we are watching the Olympics.  I am so tired.


Last week just blurred by.  I was sick then Ben got sick just in time for Valentine’s Day.  We got our tax money just in time to pay a bunch of bills and were going try to get Ben’s debt taken care of so we won’t have issues finding a new place. My sister had her baby on Friday.  Apparently I haven’t been hearing from them because they were using my work email and I haven’t been at work for month or so.  Ben got me Assassin’s Creed 2 for my present.  I was going to make a Lobster dinner or take him out for lobster, but he got sick and didn’t want to eat so we’re going to get his car stereo installed instead. We say Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief, it was OK.  no t as good as it could have been. It seemed too fast paced. You didn’t get a chance to know the characters.  The acting wasn’t great either.  Of course the big named celebrity cameos were stop on but the main characters “eh” Uma Thurman’s acting make the Disney kids style acting look bad.  I think Disney actors would have actually done better

Boo Hoo – I think

Well I’ve been sick for the past couple of days and yet again I forgot I had a blog. I may need to add blogging time as an alarm on my phone. 


I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday and he was talking more about himself than me.  He decided the dosage I was on was fine for now and I didn’t need to come back for a few months.  However, I have to pay for an appointment next week to do paperwork. 


I sent some DCF papers to work as I am not getting paid now and we are running out of food.  The declaration of loss of income is the last step.


I got served my foreclosure notice yesterday.


They guy was nice (contrary to what I’ve heard and seen) but he wanted names.  I told him he didn’t need that information. He gave me 2 copies and left. Now we need to find a lawyer.


We can’t afford a lawyer so I hope the small list of free attorney’s can help. One had a website that said there was a waiting list.  I don’t think it’s fair for a person in my condition to have to do this stuff.  It doesn’t seem real to me.  Oddly, I don’t know how I feel.  I should be upset by now or angry but I am just numb to the whole thing.

I found out I weighed 250lbs the  other day, so I made what I am calling “Brine Ribs” last  night. 


Oh I know classic fatty, but it was delicious.

I served it with bread and seasoned oil. I had Ben pick up a Greek salad from the pizzeria. 

One of Ben’s coworkers wanted my to watch her 2 year old so she could go to work. 


I told him no, because I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me.  I know she may be desperate but I wouldn’t let a stranger watch my kid if I had one.


Even professional daycares should be checked out. 

I passed out during Criminal Minds last night.


It was getting good but I’d been up since 1:00 AM. Besides I only watch it because of the Spencer Ried character played by Matthew Gray Gubler.  His character cracks me up and I think he’s cute. 


Ben likes Shemar Moore’s character Derek Morgan.  We like it when he tackles people. Hilarious! I just read he was raised Dutch.


Interesting, he’s more than just a pretty face. Also he’s my age.  Thank for making me look bad Shemar!

A few days

Yep a few days came and went so in no particular order:

Saturday Ben took Tahoe Taco to the vet to get his balls cut off.  Yeah! I’ll I could think of was after all that fucking cat has done, it’s about time I got some sort of sweet vengeance. I had therapy and it went OK.  Aaron was finishing up a letter for SSI and seems to think I could go back to work in time just not yet.  I would need to find a job that allowed little contact with people and a low stress level. He did say nursing or something that fit my needs to contribute to society would be right up my alley, in time. He seemed like he partied too hard last night though. He had “after club hair” and was yawning a bit.  I felt bad for him.  Surprisingly I was not annoyed.  He seemed more friendly and oddly more attractive. I guess one cannot be tense or intimidating when tired. 

I got a DCF card, a credit card, insurance renewal and more SSI paperwork today. I was ecstatic because I really need that food card,  I needed the credit card for medical, i though our insurance was cancelled and my SSI was denied.

My Auntie sent me an email to check up on me so I told her I was fine and sent her the link to this blog so she could know how I was doing.

I played Darksiders until Ben came home.  We went to the Chinese buffet on SR54 “to test the card” and got “3 for 20” DVDs at Blockbuster. 


Star Trek (2009),


The Hangover,


and G. I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009).


By the time we got home stuffed from dinner  all we wanted to do was relax in front of the TV.  We watched The Hangover.  It started out with odd character introduction but got better. It never really became great to me, it was just OK.  Maybe I was expected too much. There was a lot of hype about it being the funnies comedy of 2009, but there were not many good comedies in 2009 either. 

Sunday was Super Bowl Sunday at Bonnie’s house. 

Pizza and commercials.  I played Dora games with Megan after Beth gave sprayed saline up her nose to clear out the clogs. 


Later Ben, his dad and I were some what watching the game and the ladies and kids were in the kitchen making cup cakes.  Ben had gotten up set because his sister and mom were making a big deal about moving ceiling fans. He over reacted a bit. I think he should be used to the fact that “Everything” is a big deal at his mother’s house. 

I actually started watching the game and picking things up along the way.  Suprisingly, I was not just checking out the men. I was yelling at the Saints’ inability to block.  We left before the 3rd quarter but they did win.




OK today full of mania and is going horribly.  After a rough sleep last night and following the normal daily things, I stepped in dog shit twice.


Dallas shredded napkins all over the floor (I think the cat set him up); he caught I lick for that. Kenya through up all the bird seed Ben swept up into a pile better forgot to scoop off the floor. Brown seedy goo all over my suede Air Walkers; she caught a lick for that.  I mean really? She was all nuzzling up on me and when I looked down she was puking for all she was worth on my shoe. 


After that I got the manic boost and started moving furniture.  I am exhausted but I can stop.  I’m she I will crash and burn soon enough. I moved Koober, the finches and the gecko to their new locations.  Everyone seems happier.  I don’t think will live the living room right away.  It took me a few minutes but I like it now.  Kenya is still running around like a chicken with her head cut off, and yes the do do that. 

I tried to play Guild Wars after I got my access info from tech support and could not focus.  So I tried Free Realms, same thing, I am too hyper right now.  I will get the laundry started I guess and take a look at the garage.

Just yesterday I was stressing because my shrink wants to charge me to fill out papers, HR says they did not respond to my email because it was forwarded to a specialist so it was her fault.  Hmm, I did not send the email to the specialist I sent it to my HR rep who should have responded. 


OK my arms are burning. Time to do something else.

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