Jan 29th – A night out

Went to Georgie’s Alibi last night with Ben and his friends from work.  I showed up on time and ended up waiting 20 minutes for everyone else.  I spent most of this time in a panic, trying to convince myself I could stand in the crowd without someone pointing me out or making fun.

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So after sitting in the car and sending "when are you going to get here?" text messages I was able to get out and stand in a remote corner away from everyone and waited (still in panic mode) until they arrived.  The girl he brought was from Jamaica and seemed nice enough. She was very pretty for a girl; LOL.

Anyway, it was one Long Island before I started to sway to the music.  Then just after I started feeling dizzy so I focused on the people around me.  The thin guy dancing his heart out like a teenage who I knew was only a few years away from me.  He had some good moves but I thought it was a bit funny. I think he took our smiles the wrong way as Ben and I seemed to be on the same page.  He was observing too, he seemed to be ignoring me and his friend at first but I noticed he was watching the monitors.

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Then 2 more of his coworkers came and they all seemed to click tighter and I felt odd.  No ignored, just not belonging, not there.  I didn’t know what to say so I just smiled a lot. I kept my attention on the crowd as not to get caught in an awkward conversation with me having nothing to say.

I was there for Ben not them.  Anyways eventually we danced a bit before I became bored and just self conscious of my age and body.  I was also still dizzy.  I said goodbye to Ben and left before the others came back from their 4th group trip to the bathroom.

I got home, thank god, and had to discipline one of our dogs for eating a magazine.  I took a picture and sent it to Ben as proof I was not "Making Bad Decisions" then crawled in bed with my CPAP mask and my vicious Boston to protect me.

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I woke up to Ben throwing up (a lot). I didn’t get up though, he always seems to act awkwardly when I bring up vomit.

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